Update;;sorry girls.

My grandpa has lung cancer, my gf has been acting weird, and I'm just way too out of it

to update lately and I'm sorry.

So, someone told me that I can't possibly have an ED because I don't count calories.

That's stupid. I've been diagnosed with EDNOS for almost 6 years and mainly restrict or just purge but I don't count the calories or fat grams of what's eaten. Mainly, because I eat baby carrots and apples when I restrict and when I purge there's just too much to count and most of it ends up down the toilet. The only numbers  that matter to me are the ones on the scale. So that girl that told me I can't have an ed, you can shove your words down your throat, and i hope you choke on them when they're coming back up.

I hate the holidays so I don't know how often this is going to be updated. Just prayers and wishing me luck would be nice.

It's much appreciated. Stay Strong Girls!

Don't let anyone ever doubt your willpower!

Peace, Love, & Mental Stability. <3

I got 99 problems...

Aunt flo is coming, I have a headache, haven't weighed myself in days, ate kfc & jimmy johns yesterday....

FML.

F*CK YOU, TURKEY!

Even though I ate like a fat woman at a chocolate shop yesterday, I weighed myself 

this morning in my pajamas and it said 138lbs :)

That made my morning esp since I was waiting to see 142 or something higher.

My gf has a fb page now and it kind of makes me feel insecure just because she has the mentality of a guy.

Maybe it's just me being paranoid but oh well. Well, I don't really have much to say right now except that I am home alone and bored as f*ck! None of my friends wanna hangout and on top of that, i have no cell phone to make plans. Awesome. Until later my lovelies <3

PEACE, LOVE, & MENTAL STABILITY!

Sorry

Sorry about my rant from the other night, i was in a very dark place. But anyhow;; my mother had the nerve to ask me how much I weigh last night and she kept following me around watching my every step. It was super annoying. Then this morning i woke up violently sick and when I asked my mom to tell my gf to come in the room, she went, "What? What do you want? I'm eating." Like, wtf!? All I wanted was a friggin hug. Douche. Anyhow, my weight is around 136lbs, or at least im going to assume thats what it is cause i havent been able to sneak into the bathroom and weigh myself naked. I will later tonight though. Computer is dying :( Later lovelies!
PEACE, LOVE, & MENTAL STABILITY! <3

i'd kill myself for you, id kill you for myself....

My past relationships never ended the right way, most do not, but i think thats why i push the people i care about away. I'm terrified of my own feelings right now. I can't eat, sleep, hold a conversation and i just dont know what to do anymore. Porn is whats bothering me right now. (dont ask) True, im not great in bed but its because i hate my body so much that it stops me from trying new things. Have never been "on top" because i dont wanna crush my partner. To some that may sound stupid but for me, it's a real fear. My stomach is gross looking and my boobs have shrunk immensely from giving birth and losing weight. They say the one youre with should like/love you for you but when the person youre with doesnt compliment you, ever, on your appearance, you cant help but assume that they think your body is hideous aswell. If i could just hear some reassurance that im perfectly fine the way i am, i wouldnt be so paranoid about everything. I'm tired of not feeling good enough...

Gross.

Total Calories (%DV based on daily intake of 2,000 kcal)	490 kcal	24.5%
Calories from Fat (italics if estimated)	216.9 kcal
Calories from Carbohydrate (estimated)	172 kcal
Calories from Protein (estimated)	96 kcal
Calories from Alcohol (assumed 0 if not explicitly disclosed)

Enough said....

:'( I feel absolutely nasty.

Update: So, surprisingly, I did not gain anything from my horrendous breakfast! I am super happy about that and I weighed myself without clothes and I was 137/8, couldn't tell where the needle was pointing cause my glasses aren't the right prescription but i'd rather maintain than gain :) How's everyone doing today?

Inspirational lyrics?

If At First You Don't Succeed...



Just listen to the chorus, it speaks the truth!